B is absolutely beautiful, inside and out. He's absolutely amazing, but is also one of the most damaged people I ever met. He was abused, is bipolar, and is an alcoholic ( though in recovery ). He also, because of his past, has an impossible time being emotionally intimate with anyone, and has committment issues ( not one but 2 ex-fiancees to prove it ). His last, and most recent ex ( they've been apart for about 7 months, we've been together for almosat 3 ) was insanely neurotic and relied on him for everything, including her own personal happiness and stability. ( For example, she lost a lot of weight when they were dating, but only because he was her accountability, and would take food from her so she would stop eating. ) And, he feels he wants to try to be her friend, but mostly because he can't move on with his life til she is okay with it and does the same, because he feels guilty being happy when she's not, yet.
At the same time, he is honest, playful, and affectionate, and gentle, and caring, and all those wonderful qualities you look for in someone to be with. I have loved him for quite a while now, but don't dare tell him. ( Yet again, in the past, he does not believe it when someone says they love him, and he isn't able to say it freely, whether he feels it or not. ) I honestly feel like I have finally met someone who could be my equal, my match, my soulmate. This could be a life-long thing, if everything goes right.
I'm just so, so scared that something's gonna happen to mess this up, or ruin things, like my own flaws and shortcomings. Or, that maybe all his damage is gonna be too much to handle.