First, I suppose I should state that it's a long distance relationship. We live some seven hours of driving apart, and only get to see each other once every month at the very best case scenario. Long distance relationships go against my better judgement, but she's simply amazing and I thought it was worth the risk. Despite all the fears I had and the pitfalls of a long distance relationship, things worked out wonderfully.
Until now, anyway. I would guess it started when she picked up her second job. She progressivly started working longer and longer weeks. Now she works 60 hour weeks, and you can imagine that I'm feeling neglected. She doesn't have the time to talk as much as we used to, and she doesn't have the energy to have meaningful conversations. I miss her constantly, and I only feel like I'm with her whenever we happen to be able to visit each other, which isn't enough to keep the relationship running smoothly.
We've talked about it at length. I've brought it up so many times she gets instantly pissed whenever she hears about it now. Unfortunatly it never gets resolved, she's simply too busy to pay me the attention I need.
Quitting a job or reducing hours is out of the question, she's simply not going to do that. Nor do I really want her to; she's had money problems for quite a while and used to get so upset over the fact she didn't have enough money to pay for her basic needs. She's a lot more relaxed and lighthearted now that she doesn't have to chronically worry about money, and it's nice to see that her mood has improved. Nor is it really my place to ask her to quit a job or dismiss some work, that's something for her to decide.
There's nothing that can really be done at this point. I'll continue to miss her like crazy, and she'll continue to be busy as all hell. If I keep quiet and keep all complaints to myself, she'll be happy, but I'll be miserable. If I continue to tell her that I miss her, she'll get pissed and we'll both be miserable.
I can move in with her when the schoolyear is done. I am planning on moving in during the summer. Part of me thinks I should just suck it up and wait till I move in, where she'll be a lot more accesible, but part of me says that this problem isn't going to go away just because I'm living with her.
I'm quite upset over the lack of affection lately, as well. She's simply not as responsive to it, which I can understand as it's difficult to be smoochy when you're tired or preoccupied, but it tears me up inside. I'm quite resentful of the fact that the lovey dovey stage of our relationship has ended before I ever got the chance to live with her or be around her. It's my first relationship. I feel like I've been ripped off. It's not going to chance when I live with her. She's become less responsive to affection with each visit, and that's when she feels like she needs to give me all of her attention. It'll be even easier to ignore when we're around each other all the time, I imagine.
I am pretty needy when it comes to affection, there's no power on earth that can really justify me denying that, but I'm very liberal in handing it out as well, and I suppose I expect some amount back in response. It still shatters my heart into a million little peices when I'm trying to kiss her or get something going and she's just literally laying there. Our sex drives couldn't be more different. She's practically asexual, while I wouldn't mind with three times a day. One more problem that won't change when we close the distance.
I don't think asking for more than one good conversation a week too much ( I don't think we even have that, but she does), but I suppose I'm not in the best position to judge that. The only time I can ever get her full attention is when I'm upset.
We just had another argument about it, and it's the last time I'm going to bother to bring it up to her. Our relationship is most certainly sstrained. I needed to vent.
Thanks if you've read this far.
Damn I miss her.